You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
