Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
