I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
