Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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