i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm both gender and math confused
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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