O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
