Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
