She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Randomize
