have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
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