its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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