Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
