You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
