6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
