How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
