and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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