I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
