i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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