Your dad touched me again.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
