What did we do last night that was yellow?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
