i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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