Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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