Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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