You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
