shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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