would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
