Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
