I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
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