She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
