You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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