its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
