Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
