I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
