we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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