listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You were trust falling into bushes
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
