so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
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