how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
