just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
