You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
should my penis look like a turkey
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
COCAINE IS GR8
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