was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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