haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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