I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
