also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
