walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
