I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
