tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
