I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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