This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
