We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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