Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
