I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
