Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
