somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
